Choosing Funeral Music: How to Find the Right Songs for a Loved One
Music can be one of the most personal and moving parts of a funeral service. A familiar song can bring back precious memories, reflect someone’s personality or provide comfort at a time when words are difficult to find.
But choosing funeral music can also feel overwhelming. Where do you start? Should you choose traditional hymns, favourite songs or music that reminds you of happy times together?
The good news is that there is no single right answer. The most meaningful choices are often the songs that tell you something about the person being remembered.
As an independent celebrant, I help families select music that reflects their loved one’s life and helps create a personal, meaningful farewell.
Where Should You Start When Choosing Funeral Music?
A useful starting point is to think about the music your loved one enjoyed during their lifetime.
Did they have a favourite singer or band? Was there a particular song they always played in the car, sang along to or danced to at family gatherings? Perhaps a piece of music reminds you of a holiday, a wedding or another special occasion.
You do not have to choose a song simply because it is traditionally associated with funerals. A favourite pop song, a piece of classical music, a country ballad or even something with a little humour might be much more appropriate for the person you are remembering.
Try asking family members to suggest songs that remind them of your loved one. You may discover that a particular piece of music means something special to several people.
What Music Is Played During a Funeral?
There is no fixed number of songs that must be included in a funeral service. The choices will depend on the type of service, the venue and the time available.
However, there are usually three opportunities to include music.
1. Entrance Music
The entrance music is played as the coffin enters the chapel or as the congregation gathers, depending on the arrangements for the service.
This is an opportunity to set the tone for the occasion. Some families choose something gentle and reflective, while others select a favourite song that immediately brings their loved one to mind.
For example, a person who loved classical music might be remembered with a beautiful orchestral piece, while someone who enjoyed popular music might have a favourite song played as everyone takes their seats.
2. Music for Reflection or a Visual Tribute
Music can provide a moment for quiet reflection during the service. It is also commonly used to accompany a visual tribute slideshow of family photographs.
This can be a particularly moving part of the ceremony. As photographs show different stages of a person’s life, the music can help bring those memories together.
When choosing a song for a slideshow, consider its length as well as its meaning. A longer piece may be suitable for a larger collection of photographs, while a shorter song might work better for a small selection of images.
If you are planning a slideshow, you may also find my article on Creating a Funeral Slideshow helpful.
3. Closing or Exit Music
The final piece of music can help bring the service to a close.
Some families choose a peaceful, reflective song, while others prefer something uplifting that celebrates their loved one’s character and outlook on life.
It could be a favourite song, a piece of music associated with happy memories or something that leaves the congregation smiling.
There is no need for the entrance and exit music to have the same mood. You might begin with a reflective piece and finish with something that captures the person’s humour, energy or love of life.
Should You Choose a Hymn or a Non-Religious Song?
This depends on your loved one’s beliefs, wishes and preferences, as well as what feels right for the family.
Traditional hymns such as Abide with Me, How Great Thou Art and All Things Bright and Beautiful remain popular choices for families who want a religious element in the service.
However, you do not have to include hymns if they do not reflect the person being remembered. Many families choose popular songs, instrumental music or a mixture of different styles.
An independent celebrant can help you create a service that reflects your loved one’s beliefs and personality, whether that includes religious music, non-religious music or a combination of both.
Is It All Right to Choose an Unusual or Happy Song?
Absolutely. Funeral music does not have to be sad.
For some people, the perfect song might be an upbeat favourite, a track associated with dancing or a piece that captures their sense of humour.
If your loved one was known for making people laugh, choosing a song that brings a smile to people’s faces may be a fitting way to remember them.
The important thing is to think about why the song matters. Does it reflect their personality? Does it remind people of something they loved? Would they have enjoyed hearing it at their own farewell?
A funeral can acknowledge sadness while also celebrating the happiness, laughter and experiences that made a person’s life special.
What If the Family Cannot Agree on the Music?
Music can be deeply personal, and family members may have different ideas about which songs should be included.
One person might prefer a traditional hymn, while another wants a favourite song from their loved one’s younger years. Both choices may come from a genuine desire to honour the person.
It can help to start by thinking about the person who has died rather than individual preferences. Did they express any wishes about their funeral? Were there songs they particularly loved? Which pieces best reflect their life?
If several songs are important, you may be able to include a mixture of styles throughout the service.
You do not need to choose every song immediately. Talking through the options with your celebrant can help you find a balance that feels right.
Practical Things to Consider When Choosing Funeral Music
Alongside the emotional importance of your choices, there are a few practical details worth checking.
- Availability: Check that your chosen music is available through the crematorium or venue’s music system.
- Timing: Make sure the pieces fit the time available, particularly if you are planning a visual tribute.
- Versions: Many songs have several recordings. Listen to the version you want to use before confirming it.
- Lyrics: Consider whether the words reflect the message you want to convey. An instrumental version may sometimes be more appropriate.
- Personal wishes: If your loved one expressed preferences about their funeral music, these can be a helpful starting point.
Your funeral director or celebrant can help you understand the arrangements for playing music at the chosen venue.
How Can a Celebrant Help You Choose Funeral Music?
When I meet with a family to prepare a funeral service, we talk about the person’s life, interests, character and the memories that matter most.
Music is part of that conversation. Sometimes families know exactly which songs they want. On other occasions, they appreciate having time to explore ideas and consider what might work best.
I can help you think about where music could be included in the ceremony, how the different pieces fit together and how they complement the tribute and any visual slideshow.
My aim is to help create a service that feels personal to your loved one, rather than simply following a standard format.
Choosing Music That Tells Their Story
There is no perfect formula for choosing funeral music. A song that means everything to one family may have little significance to another.
The best place to start is with the person you are remembering. Think about the music they loved, the memories it brings back and the feelings you would like to share with those attending the service.
Whether you choose a traditional hymn, a favourite song from their youth, a beautiful instrumental piece or something that makes everyone smile, your choice can become a meaningful part of saying goodbye.
If you are arranging a funeral in Worthing, West Sussex or the surrounding area and would like help creating a personal service, I would be pleased to talk through your ideas.
Dave Adams
Independent Celebrant
Meaningful Ceremonies